What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
