Non-Jews are for practice
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
