Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
