I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
