i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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