Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
