No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How does one acquire holy water?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
