my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
