Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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