Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
