I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
