but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
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Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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