im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
