note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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