i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
