If that was your dad, he is hot
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
