so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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