I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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