whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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