Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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