All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
