and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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