someone threw a dead crab at me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
