So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
