Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
