WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
...so i touched it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
