Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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