u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw a hot homeless man
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
