Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
