I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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