I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
