Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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