Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
