508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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