I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
