my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
