Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
