i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
