dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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