Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
