I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
