somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
