...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
