...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
