dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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