Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
