I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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