And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
