part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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