I am puke
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
