I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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