I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
