I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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