I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
