Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my poor anus
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
