Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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