Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
