He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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