Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
