Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
