My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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