I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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