At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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