you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
