This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
