he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
