i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
