I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
