How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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