so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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