It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
