when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
