So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
