you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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