can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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