OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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