How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
