wat bout pragnant strippers??
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
