can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
